(4.25 from 5)
A quick pet peeve. What is it with people who cannot help but interrupt you as soon as you begin to speak? One of my best traits is that I am a good listener most of the time. I love conversations where you speak and I listen, then I speak and you listen, and the conversation just flows on. In fact my favorite people also happen to be good listeners, and in part for that very reason.
But some people just can’t help it or just don’t get it or both. They ask you a question and not 3 words into your response are they interrupting you with their own thoughts on the matter or different thoughts on a different matter entirely. Haven’t heard a word you said and don’t really care to. It’s all about their thoughts or the sound of their voice or both.
Why ask the question in the first place? Do these people talk to themselves in private? Have intense conversations with their different imagined personalities, where it doesn’t matter if they interrupt as they are all the same person anyway? Does no one else listen to them so that when someone else tries to talk they just become a victim by default? Does it stem from childhood –being ignored from the start in those important early years?
There is a whole other level of bad listener who not only doesn’t listen to you and cuts you off, but does so followed by the all annoying lesson or order. They have not even heard what you said so they cannot even follow where you were headed in your conversation. Instead they just barge in with an annoying instruction that has nothing to do with anything you were about to say before being so rudely cut off and is typically something you already knew, making it incredibly boring to be in the person’s company.
I have always been a good listener as I am interested in what other people have to say and how they think. It gives me good insight as to who they are, and I often learn or pick –up things from their conversations that I then enjoy pondering, learn from, and can occasionally use in other situations. It also shows politeness and respect, and creates balance in conversation.
So, what can be done? Well, you can call these people on it. I do this more often now as I do not have patience anymore. For elderly people you need to repeat the exercise many times before it just slightly sinks in. Younger people catch on much quicker, especially when you use the shock factor and come at them out of nowhere, very loudly, with the ole ‘Excuse me! I was just talking and you just totally interrupted me –you were not even listening to what I was saying, do you know how rude that is!?’ A couple of those and they start to learn real fast –especially when other people overhear their ‘reprimand’.
Terrible listening skills can really hurt people in their lives and careers. They might not get the promotion, make it past the first stage of an interview process, or get the job offer, and might alienate friends and colleagues. Consider that when you are debating whether or not to mention it to someone who just cut you off. Always best to try to better someone and improve their situation, than to simply write them off.
Thanks for listening. Now I would love to hear whatever you would like to talk about.
Tags : answer, bad listener, career, conversation, question, response, to interrupt, to listen, to talk, вопрос, карьера, не уметь слушать, ответ, отказ при поиске работы, перебивать, слушатель, собеседники, умение выслушать
Тоже все нравится мне в этом блоге, научились делать для людей. Молодцы!
Мне нравятся Ваши посты
Великолепная идея и своевременно
Hi, very nice post. I have been wonder’n bout this issue,so thanks for posting
Хорошая статья, как и все предыдущие. Буду теперь и в дальнейшем следитьза вашим блогом.
Я тоже временами такое замечаю, но как-то раньше не придавал этому никакого значения.
Agree with you on how to deal with it. Pampering the unstable is advisable when time permits, so is therapy. Purposeless systems allow zero discipline.
Never mentioned “cigar rooms” or “theaters”, nor(thus) did compare anything to “office meetings”.
My friend, you need to move on! Here is paralysis by analysis to the ‘n’th degree!
My point was simply that there are many different kinds of people in this world, and you need to deal with all people effectively.
How to deal with it? You take the person aside, and assertively deal with the issue by direct and clear explanation, with the caveat that further such behaviour is neither acceptable or wanted.
After that, a public explantion may be warranted.
If the behaviour persists, there are further measures beyond the scope of me writing here. I feel the correct approach is helping these people, not battering them into submission.
I am not sure your analogies of cigar rooms (never been in one) and operating theatres (likewise) hold true for office meetings. If they do, I’ll try not to bleed all over your cigar room carpet, or smoke myself silly on your operating table.
I think there’s other more interesting discussions here apart from this one. Remember it began “A quick pet peeve” .
I agree with DJ, except one point: consider the circumstances.
>Yes, it is possible to start a sentence with No. For example “No, this is not a constructive >example”.
No one said it is impossible. Its’ possible, but wrong.
>My ‘live and let live’ approach is combined with emotional maturity rather than emotional >intellect. I find it helps.
It is acceptable in a cigar lounge, or any other circumstance, where efficiency of communication does not defeat the purpose of communication. In a corporate environment that purpose would be getting things done to ensure generating income. If the purpose of showing up at work is to chit-chat, rather than getting things done, then the @live and let live@ approach is indeed justified at work.
> You have to learn to deal with and accept other people’s communication / lask of >communication skills.
Lack of communication skills is a problem only in a situation when efficient communication is mandatory. Again, in a cigar lounge, people’s lack of communication skills does not jeopardize anything.
>People are different and have different ways of communicating. Maybe it’s rude - but maybe it’s
>just enthusiasm and desire to communicate in their way too.
>To dismiss it as rude is simply narrow minded.
May be I am too militaristic, but you don’t want to be bleeding in the Emergency Room, while medics taking care of you are enthusiastically and desiringly communicating irrelevant noise to each other out of emotional maturity rather than emotional intelligence.
>No, not possible that I misunderstood, and in a 34 year career, yes I’ve met them.
According to R.Bendler’s research, statistically, 95% of people who think it’s not possible that they are wrong - are in fact wrong.
>It’s as I said above, learn how to deal with it and move on.
How do I deal with it? Please, be specific, Sir/Madam.
I agree that terrible listening skills can really hurt people in their lives and careers. Multinational companies always assess different candidate’s leadership capabilities, most important of them is - to hear and to listen.
Some favourite listening quotes of mine….
“No-one ever listened himself out of a job.”
“The best salespeople are great listeners—that’s how you find out what the buyer wants.”
“The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or you will burst.”
And finally whilst I agree with the fact we were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth let us not forget… “Big egos have little ears.”
It is possible to call myself DJ, s they are my initials, which I have had for longer than 35 years….
Yes, it is possible to start a sentence with No. For example “No, this is not a constructive example”.
My ‘live and let live’ approach is combined with emotional maturity rather than emotional intellect. I find it helps.
Goodbye.
I like Teri is provoking “emotional” intellect and thoughts, some of them appear here … in the blog. I would say this article is written in all sincerity and sincerity is in a demand on the current recruitment market. Reading the comments from Mr. DJ I am just thinking – how it is possible to name yourself “DJ” having experience of 35 years ..? And is it really normal to start a constructive dialog from “No” and denial. If somebody thinks it’s ok, thus I see a double use of the articles in this blog – we have to see what we don’t have to do in practice.
God gave us two ears and one mouth, there was a good reason for that
DJ, lets just agree to disagree on this. I am glad you are on here though.
No, not possible that I misunderstood, and in a 34 year career, yes I’ve met them.
It’s as I said above, learn how to deal with it and move on.
DJ, thanks for commenting. Is it possible that you either misunderstood or have never experienced first-hand the chronic interrupter? I was not speaking about your everyday person with poor communication skills. I was speaking about those few with REALLY bad communication skills. Learning to deal with and accept anything in life that you find REALLY wrong, is not the way forward, for anyone.
Of course chronic interrupters are enthusiastic and have a desire to communicate, but IT IS rude to CONSTANTLY interrupt anyone. Chronic interrupters lose business opportunities and even close ties with family and friends. I’ve seen it happen.
Most of the time it is productive to offer constructive criticism to others. Most people would want to know if they are being offensive to others, and usually they have no idea they are causing offense.
it’s not that interesting a point. You have to learn to deal with and accept other people’s communication / lask of communication skills.
People are different and have different ways of communicating. Maybe it’s rude - but maybe it’s just enthusiasm and desire to communicate in their way too.
To dismiss it as rude is simply narrow minded.
I agree. I used this approach at my previous jobs. It is very effective especially if you need to communicate your point of view on some complicated issue with other stakeholders invloved having also different opinions on that.
By writing first, letting you peer/boss/subordinate read and digest your message and then discussing it after that, you prepare a good ground for constructive conversation. A lot of objections can be removed before discussion and heated emotions will not ruin it. So even if your colleague does not agree with you, he/she would at least hear you and hopefully understand your position.
Al, This is why I love writing…because nobody can interrupt me
Seriously though, if you find it hard to speak to certain people, to get your point across, it can be a much better strategy to write them and explain in uninterrupted detail -and then sit with them to discuss the information to confirm that the meaning and points were understood correctly.
Teri - While I was reading this I found myself wanting to interrupt you!! I guess it is something I need to look at. Thanks for the article :0)
Думаю, что статья заставляет задуматься о том, на что обычно не обращаешь внимание. Интересно и полезно!